


Swiping Regret

by treepyful (treeperson)



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alcohol, Bad dates, Brief Instance of Racism, Comfort Food, Commiseration, Dating, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Happy Ending, M/M, Online Dating, Ronnie knows best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29638338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treeperson/pseuds/treepyful
Summary: Ray’s adventures on Bumpkin: the aftermath of five bad dates and one good one.
Relationships: Ray Butani & Ronnie Lee, Ray Butani/Ivan, Ray Butani/Original Character, Ronnie Lee/Original Character
Comments: 48
Kudos: 42
Collections: Schitt's Creek Rare Ships! Ongoing Prompts





	Swiping Regret

**Author's Note:**

  * For [schittposting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/schittposting/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [schittposting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/schittposting/pseuds/schittposting) in the [schittscreekrareships](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/schittscreekrareships) collection. 



> **Prompt:**  
>  Ray/Anyone
> 
> Ray’s adventures on Bumpkin😉! I’d love to see this as a 5+1 (5 bad first dates Ray has on Bumpkin + 1 good one, maybe?) but any format and any character pairing(s) would be great.  
>   
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
> @schittposting: This was such a fun prompt to fill! I hope it hits the spot!  
>   
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
>  **Check the end notes if you’d like a spoiler for the “Brief Instance of Racism” tag.**
> 
> This fic includes a scene where Ray drinks alcohol, though it is presented as an unusual enough occurrence that Ronnie finds it notable. In the show, Ray mentions that he eats halal, which would typically mean he wouldn’t consume alcohol – however, since that line happens at the same time as Johnny claiming he eats kosher and Ronnie wanting gluten free food, I interpreted it as though all three are using convenient excuses for the sake of their little plot to remove Gwen from the poker game. That is, I read it as Ray being either secular or not overly devout, and therefore someone who may occasionally partake in some drinking!
> 
> Thanks to RQ and D McM for their help in navigating these unfamiliar-to-me waters! And thank you to singsongsung for giving this a read through!

1.

Ronnie couldn’t pin down exactly when she and Ray had become friends, but it was undeniable that they were. While they’d been reasonably friendly acquaintances since Ray had moved to the area a decade previous, their camaraderie had increased during his time on council, where they’d relied on each other as the not-Bob-or-Roland members to actually get things done. When Ray left council, though, they’d kept up their semi-regular complaint-laden lunches and they always stopped to chat whenever they ran into each other around town and then they ended up on the same rec curling team that winter, and the rest was history. Suddenly, Ronnie was counting Ray among her closest friends.

Of course, that didn’t mean she particularly welcomed the sight of him standing uninvited on her front step at half past seven on a Saturday evening. She had dinner on the stove, a season of _Grace and Frankie_ to binge, and a newly purchased flatpack bookshelf from Canadian Tire to put together; Ray’s presence did not fit into her plans.

“Hi Ray,” she said, keeping as much annoyance out of her voice as possible because her mother had taught her to be rude to strangers, not friends.

“Good evening, Ronnie. May I come in?”

As tempting as it was to say no, Ray was looking a little sad around the edges and Ronnie wasn’t a monster. Plus he was carrying a grocery bag that bulged in a way that suggested it contained chips. “Yeah, okay.”

He stepped through and divested himself of his outerwear with a minimum of fuss, while Ronnie waited for an explanation as to why he was suddenly in her home. One didn't seem to be forthcoming. “What’s up, Ray?”

“Oh, well.” Ray fiddled with the hems of his shirt sleeves. “You remember how I had that date tonight?”

His clothes did seem nicer than his usual, and his mustache looked recently trimmed. “Yes, I remember. Kinda surprised to see you here, actually.”

“Ah, you remember. Good. Because it seems she didn’t.”

Ronnie tilted her head. “She didn’t what?”

“Remember.”

Ouch. “She didn’t show?”

“No. Nor did she respond to my texts. I believe I’ve been ghosted.”

“I think if you’re ghosted in person, it’s just plain ol’ getting stood up.”

Ray sighed. “Perhaps.”

Ronnie gave him a long look. “Want some chili?”

“I would _love_ some chili.”

In the kitchen, Ronnie set out some bread rolls on a plate while Ray hovered, halfway between distraction and help. Well, maybe closer to distraction – he was almost vibrating.

“I don’t know why you bother with that app,” Ronnie said, handing him the Brita pitcher from the fridge in a silent request.

“It has a lot of reach! I could find the love of my life all the way over in Thornbridge!”

“Okay, but do you want to date someone in Thornbridge? That’s a long drive.”

Ray waved a hand dismissively. “That’s not the point. Variety, Ronnie – that’s the point.”

Ronnie just hummed disbelievingly and ladled the chili into two bowls.

“Have you ever used online dating? Apps or otherwise,” Ray asked as he started opening and closing various cupboards. 

“Yes, once. Second from the end,” Ronnie added, and Ray made a pleased noise as he found the glassware. Filling two glasses with water, he eyed Ronnie for the rest of that story that she wasn’t going to give him. “It went badly. I need in-person connections, not bits and bytes.”

“Found any in-person connections recently?”

Ronnie set the bowls down on her kitchen table with twinned _thunk_ s and rolled her eyes where Ray couldn’t see her. “I thought we were talking about your love life?”

“I’ve decided that’s too depressing a topic. What’s her name?”

Sighing, Ronnie gave in. “Julie. She has a stall at the farmers’ market in Elmdale.”

“Ooh, a farmer!” Ray cooed as they sat down to eat. “How very rustic of you.”

“She’s a leatherworker, actually.”

“Oh, my! That’s exciting.”

They fell into their usual rhythm, tempering each other into a reasonably fluid conversation where Ray tried his best to pry snippets of info out of Ronnie and Ronnie tried her best to resist. Neither of them won, yet it was pleasantly satisfying all the same.

When the dishwasher had been loaded, the leftover chili stashed in the fridge, and Ray’s chips dumped into a pair of bowls, Ronnie led them into the living room and handed Ray the remotes. “Because you got stood up,” she said in response to his questioning eyebrows. “Misery gets to choose what we watch. Nothing violent, though.”

“I think I can manage that.” Ray delicately took the remotes and flitted through the various TV subscriptions until he landed on a reality makeup competition. Low stakes, entertaining, and gently educational? Perfect. Ronnie brought her feet up under her as Ray settled a blanket over his legs.

“Thank you for accommodating me tonight, Ronnie. This really was exactly what I needed.”

Ronnie shrugged and dipped her hand into the all dressed chips. “Just don’t make a habit of it.”

And really, Ronnie thought to herself a few months later, she should have known better than to tempt fate.

  


2.

Ronnie’s snuggled down on her couch with Julie, watching the hockey game for their second at-home date night, when Ray’s text comes in.

Ray  
  
**Today** 7:17 PM  
**Ray:** (emergency light)(emergency light)(emergency light) SOS (emergency light)(emergency light)(emergency light)  
  


“Sorry,” Ronnie said, patting Julie’s knee as she stood. “I’ve gotta make a quick call. Be right back.”

Shivering against the cool night air, Ronnie stepped out onto her back porch, brought up Ray’s smiling contact photo, and tapped the call button.

“Hello?”

“Hi Ray. Your cat died, your house is on fire, and a rival photographer has set up shop across the road.” Wrapping her free arm across her chest, she stared up at the constellations in the sky. “Oh, and Roland stole your tap shoes.”

“Oh my goodness,” Ray gasped, absolutely pitch perfect and not at all perturbed by Ronnie’s deadpan delivery of complete bullshit. “Oh no, that’s terrible! Is everyone okay?”

“No, the whole town’s dead. Gas leak. The cops are looking for you, by the way. You’re Canada’s most wanted.”

“Gracious me,” was his response, and Ronnie snorted. She could hear him moving around, the shuffling noises of fabric on microphone staticky and unpleasant. “I’ll be right there! As soon as I can!”

“See you in a bit, Ray.”

“Thank you for calling!”

Ronnie shook her head and looked at the stars for another few moments before retreating to the warmth of her living room.

“My friend is going to stopping by soon.”

“Oh.” Julie looked disappointed by that news, and Ronnie couldn’t help but agree.

“I know, I’m sorry. But that call I just made was a bail out for a date he’s on, so he’s clearly having a rougher night than us.”

Julie brought her hand to her mouth to cover her laugh. “Well, I guess I can’t begrudge him that. Is this Ray?”

“It is.” Ronnie’s stomach clenched a little at the thought that Julie and Ray were going to meet, but she also didn’t want to gently kick either out of her home, so it seems the inevitable was going to happen far sooner than she’d hoped.

It took exactly thirty-two minutes for Ray to knock, and instead of offering a greeting when Ronnie swung the door open for him, he said, “Ronnie, I don’t even own a cat.”

“All the more worrying that it’s dead, then.” She stepped back to let him in, holding her hand out for the grocery tote he was carrying. “So why the SOS?”

“She started talking about marriage.”

Ronnie paused midway through her investigation of the bag’s contents. “On the first date?”

Ray nodded aggressively, slightly wide-eyed as he straightened from removing his shoes. “On the first date.”

“Shit. The SOS was a good choice.”

“I rather thought so. I hope I didn’t interrupt your night.”

Ronnie shrugged, glancing at Julie through the entrance to the living room and thinking of what they might be doing if Ray’s date hadn’t gone awry. And how they might be doing it. “There will be other nights. Ray, this is Julie. Julie, Ray.”

“Very nice to finally meet you, Ray. I’ve heard so much.” Julie smiled at how Ray brightened at the implication Ronnie had spoken of him, and Ronnie crossed her arms over her chest. “What’s this about a first date wedding talk?”

“Oh dear, yes, it was terrible.” Ray bustled into the room, settling onto the edge of the armchair and leaning his elbows on his knees, conspiratorial and intensely friendly in that way of his. “There was a Pinterest board and everything.”

Ronnie slipped into the kitchen to grab some plates for the danishes Ray had brought, and she returned to find Julie giggling into her wine glass as Ray wildly gesticulated some point about doves and ribbons. It wasn’t quite the direction she’d been hoping her night would go, Ronnie mused as she reclaimed her seat on the couch and smiled as Julie leaned into her slightly. But there wasn’t much to complain about either.

  


3.

Ray wasn’t a big drinker. Ronnie could count on one hand the number of times she’d seen him with alcohol in all the years she’d known him, and when she’d thought to ask him once about why, he’d said it was a combination of nagging religious guilt, cultural norms, and a general distaste for the flavour. All together, this meant that when he appeared on her doorstep with a two-six of whiskey, she knew this date had gone very off the rails.

It was _nice_ whiskey, too – plenty old enough to drink itself. “Where’d you get this? This isn’t at our LCBO.”

“A gift from a client, years ago.”

“Huh.” Ronnie cracked it open and waved it under her nose. “Special occasion?”

“You could say that.”

Ronnie took the bottle into the kitchen, Ray following to lean against the door frame. “What does that mean?”

“He asked where I was from.”

“And you answered Winnipeg?”

Ray pursed his lips, his mustache flexing with the movement. “Yes, of course.” Ronnie gave him a look, the bottle hovering over the lowball glasses as she waited for the other shoe to drop. Ray sighed, meeting her eyes. “‘Yeah, but where are you _from_?’” he said mockingly, his head tilting back and forth in imitation.

“Ah.” Ronnie winced. “Fuck.”

“Mm-hm.”

Ronnie gave both glasses generous pours and handed one to Ray, who took it eagerly. They clinked and drank, both taking irresponsible (inadvisable) gulps. Ronnie let the burn of good whiskey replace the heat of anger in her stomach.

“I walked out.” Ray tapped his pinky finger against his glass, an agitated little _bapbapbap_ , and Ronnie nodded.

“Good.” They stood in that for a moment, not talking but not needing to either, until Ronnie felt calmer and Ray’s restless flutters settled. “C’mon, let’s go watch British people bake.”

“Oh, can we watch a Mel and Sue episode?” Ray turned on his puppy eyes and Ronnie only sighed a little – she was still trying to watch the newer seasons and Ray knew she hated interrupting her flow. However, if there was any time Ray really deserved to watch what he wanted, it was after a date like that.

“Fine. I’m never going to turn down the opportunity to watch more Sue Perkins.”

They finished too much of the bottle while jeering at Paul Hollywood’s commentary, and Ray stayed over in the guest room rather than attempt to wend his way home on foot. When Ronnie was rudely awoken by Ray whistling his morning set list about eight hours later, she found she only regretted it a little bit.

  


4.

“What happened this time?” Ronnie asked in greeting as she opened the door, sweeping her arm wide to welcome Ray into the house.

Rolling his eyes, Ray perfunctorily handed Ronnie the grocery bag and toed off his shoes. “She tried to tell me about Allez Vous.”

Ronnie grimaced. “Damn. You sure do know how to pick them.” She peered into the bag and raised her eyebrows at the number of cookie packages. “Tell me she at least took you for a drive in her champagne Audi?”

Ray’s laughter bounced off the walls and Ronnie couldn’t help but crack a smile in return.

  


5.

There was a span of seven and half weeks when Ronnie thought Ray might have finally done it, might have beaten the odds and actually found someone through that damn app who was going to stick around long-term. Ronnie hadn’t met him yet, but Ray talked about him sometimes during their dinner and movie nights, or when they shared a booth at the café on the days in between, and she felt like she was getting a decent picture of who he was – his name was Alan, he was a librarian in Elmdale, and he seemed perfectly pleasant, though perhaps a bit bland. However, Ronnie wasn’t going to say anything about that; she wasn’t the one dating him, and Ray was happy enough that he hadn’t darkened her door with snack foods and tales of Bumpkin woe for almost two entire months.

But then, one windy Saturday night, he did.

When she heard the knocking, Ronnie was already in her pyjamas, drowsy from her bath and tipping the last drops of a very nice cabernet from glass to mouth as she tapped out a response to Julie’s text. She debated ignoring the sound, considered turning up the volume on _The Repair Shop_ until she couldn’t hear it anymore, but she twitched the curtain back to check who it was and instantly changed her mind.

Tying the belt of her bathrobe closed, Ronnie opened her door. “Good evening, Ray.”

“Is it?”

“How about you tell me?” 

Ray passed her the cake he was carrying (an _entire_ bundt cake, the madman) and hung up his coat. “In that case, perhaps not so good.”

Ronnie didn’t say anything in response, but it wasn’t until they were in the kitchen, mostly-eaten slices of cake in front of them, that she realised Ray wasn’t going to start the conversation he came for.

“How’s Alan?” she asked, a gentle prod.

Ray gave her a look. “Single once more, much like myself.”

This didn’t come as a surprise. “That sucks, Ray.”

Nodding, Ray cleared his throat. Ronnie took another bite of her cake as she waited. 

“I don’t think we were in it for the right reasons. We were both just holding on because everyone else we’d met was terrible.”

Ronnie thought back over all of the stories Ray had shared, all the wild and chaotic dates he’d been on, and understood. “You were safe together.”

“Very safe, yes. Too safe.”

“Mm, safe and only safe makes a mediocre relationship.”

“Precisely. Alan agreed; our separation was mutual and amicable.” He tapped the tines of his fork against his plate, then picked up his last bite of cake. “But still not... nice.”

“Well, break ups never are, even the best ones. Tea?”

“Nothing with caffeine, please.”

Ronnie threw some herbal teabags into her favourite mugs and Ray sliced two more pieces of cake. They were quiet as they waited for the kettle to boil, but when Ronnie brought the tea over, the raspberry-scented steam curling under their faces, she finally asked the question she’d been thinking about asking for months. 

“You gonna give up on that app yet?”

Ray sighed. “What’s the alternative, Ronnie? Being alone?”

“No.” She gave him a look and blew over the surface of her tea. “Let me play matchmaker.”

“You think you can do better than all those sophisticated algorithms and slightly terrifying data trackers?”

“Yeah, of course.” At Ray’s snort, Ronnie bristled. “I know you, and I know the people around here. I’ll find you someone.”

Ray squinted at her, and Ronnie tried not to feel as affronted as she wanted to. “Fine,” he finally said, tilting his head. “Do your best. If it goes badly, I’m still coming by your place to whine about it.”

“Deal.”

  


+1

On the Saturday night of Ray’s blind date with his hand-selected partner, Ronnie was feeling confident enough to make a single-portion-sized dinner for herself, but not cocky enough to make other plans for the evening. Julie understood, having become almost as invested in Ray’s dating life as Ronnie pretended not to be, and kept herself abreast of the situation by spending most of the night exchanging texts with Ronnie. As eight o’clock turned into nine o’clock turned into ten o’clock, Ronnie relaxed into the idea that maybe Ray wasn’t going to show up.

Julie  
  
**Today** 10:48 PM  
**Julie:**?  
**Ronnie:** Nope, nothing yet  
**Julie:** (party horn)(party horn)(party horn)  
**Julie:** get it, ray  


Ronnie was sipping her coffee and picking at a croissant at the café the next morning when Ray slid into the booth across from her. She waited in amused silence as he spoke with Twyla, chatting briefly about the weather before ordering an egg sandwich and a tea, but when Twyla disappeared in a swirl of skirt and hair, Ronnie met Ray’s eyes and quirked an eyebrow.

Ray beamed, bright as the morning sun, and Ronnie snorted a laugh.

“I’ll take that – and your absence from my living room last night – as a good sign, shall I?”

“A very good sign, I should think, yes.”

“So it went well?”

“Yes,” and Ray went a little quiet, looking down at his hands where they were clasped together on the stained table. “Quite well.”

“Don’t give me details.” Ronnie popped a piece of croissant in her mouth and eyed Ray cautiously. “Especially about anything that happened after you left the café.”

“Ronnie, I would never kiss and tell!”

Experience had taught her otherwise, but she wasn’t going to argue the point. “Are you seeing him again?”

“Yes, we’ve planned for Wednesday.”

Ronnie raised her eyebrows. Two dates in one week? Things were looking up. Humming, she picked up her coffee and eyed Ray over the rim. “What have we learned about letting other people set you up on dates, rather than a computer?”

Ray laughed, bright and sharp. “Yes, yes, Ronnie knows best.”

“Damn straight.” Ronnie might have been trying to prove a point, and it was a point of pride to boot, but she could admit that she also wanted Ray to stop looking so sad all the time – she didn’t pull out her people skills for just anyone, after all.

“Yes, well, I think I can safely speak for us both when I say that Ivan and I thank you for your insight. I had no idea we had so much in common! Did you know he bakes the muffins Twyla sells here? How very enterprising of him! And they’re delicious, too.”

Ronnie bit down on a smile and leaned her head on her hand as Ray started singing Ivan’s praises. She might have rather successfully freed up her Saturday evenings, but she could see her Sunday mornings filling up before her very eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Tag spoiler: Ray went on a date with someone who repeatedly asked where Ray was from, refusing to accept Winnipeg as an answer. The scenario is described after the fact by Ray to Ronnie, and in not much more detail than this note.


End file.
